Twice a year I perform a magic trick and disappear from the world as we know it. Over seven years of practice, I have perfected this trick over time and have it down to a science, or is it a religion, whatever, it is something else. In the months of October and November and then again from the end of January to the end of March I tend to disappear from the face of the earth! Just ask my friends and family they will tell you that when I reappear again in December, just in time for the holidays, and then again in April, they are happy to know that I am still alive, a comment I have heard quite often over many years now. Ladies and gentlemen, come one, come all because not only do I disappear but sometimes I will become someone else right before your eyes instantly as well! I perform this trick so well that sometimes I do not even recognize myself. However, I am not the only talented person who is able to perform this magic trick. No, there are many around me who have learned, some perfected as I, this art form. I am sure you are wondering what it is by now. Have I whetted your appetite enough?
It is a beast of a thing that, when it comes around, wreaks havoc on those within it's reach bringing about such anxiety, such stress, and, for some, such panic that it can leave a path of professional and, again for some, personal destruction. This thing, this beast is called headcount and for people in special education it comes twice a year, 12/1 and 4/1. It is for this reason that my stress levels sky rocket and my personal life can become sucked up into this beast not to be seen again for months. If you ever want to see adults scramble like eggs in a pan or on a griddle come to where I work during these times in the year.
The magic trick I referred to earlier is also known as survival mode and it is worse from January to April because we are well into the school year by that point with our plates already full beginning to topple over or the plates we are balancing on sticks begin to slow their rotation and wobble because there are so many going that it is nearly impossible to keep them all spinning. My colleagues joke, well it's more like a "what else are you gonna do other than" kind of laugh, that their signifiant others must think they are ignoring them or they have done something wrong. They wonder why we snap, why we are so tired, why we are so touchy, and for some can change personality from one day to the next. Gosh, kinda feels like describing a really long period. My colleagues feel awful because they know they are neglecting their friends and family often during these times in order to fulfill their responsibilities at work. In addition, the pressure at times feels insurmountable because you are getting it from everyone, everywhere. For the first time this year, while empathizing with some of my colleagues, I suggest that we needed to form a support group for our significant others so they will know that they are not alone in having to deal with us during these times.
So, now that I feel I am able to remove my invisibility cloak and reappear to the world, this is my way of apologizing to my friends and family in hopes that they will understand, to not find fault in what looks like my lack of friendship and care, and to realize that I have been practicing the perfection of prestidigitation that I feel pressured to perform twice a year. All I ask is to please forgive me.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It was written on the wall...
Sitting in the bathroom of my high school, I was looking around in the stall and reading what was written, which inspired to write a blog about walls, physical and virtual. Yes, we all remember the graffiti written on the walls in our respective bathrooms.... varied from: 867-5309 <--- Call for a good time (extra points to those who caught that reference!) to things I cannot write on here but you know what I am talking about. In this specific stall it was written that Mary Jane is my home girl. Now, I know that Mary is my home girl (high five Mary!) but I don't know about Mary Jane... does she even attend that high school? No people, I am actually not that naive as this was followed underneath by Happy 4/20 everyone! But this is the lighter end of the conversations held on these stall walls. I will have to get the quote, but I recall last year I frequented one particular bathroom more often as it was always on my way between here and there. This was the love lost, betrayed, unrequited love stall. Oh the things these high school students lament upon, if only they thought so deep about their studies, but alas, weren't were all in a state of romantic insanity in high school?
I digress. However, now in this world of cyber stuff and virtualness (how's about that new word Colbert?) we find different walls upon which to write.... enter Facebook. First, let me begin by playing off my previous post. On Monday, upon logging into my desktop computer at my high school a screen popped up forcing me to read the new Employee Acceptable Use Policy (regarding use of the internet at work) and Code of Ethics and Standards of Conduct for my system, which basically said, "Remember... whatever you do is a reflection of this system so be cautious and presently aware about how you (and others) conduct yourself at all times in all situations because you never know who is watching!" Hi ya Big Brother!! It specifics that, "This policy applies at all times and locations where the employee’s conduct might reflect poorly on the school, the school system, the employee’s status as a role model for students, or to the extent otherwise permitted by law." Well hell, as my grandmother would say. So this brings me back to my blog and how no matter what I write I must be ever so vigilant about what I write, who might read, and how it might be used against me in some way ending in my termination. Enter my cousin. On my Top News Thread on Facebook, I found the following post by a this family member (mind I even give pause before reposting this given what I just typed": "im breaking up with you via wallpost. doesn't get much worse than that. CUNT." Now, I have found out that this is a personal inside joke, if you will, between my cousin and one of her friends. Ok, fine, but did you EVER give thought to posting something like that on a public forum bright child? More than likely not given that they are a freshman in college. I mean did you think about the future implications of your actions at that age? Ok, so maybe I am an outlier b/c I did and still do. But then again, bathroom walls were about as public as it got when I was growing up and if you were smart you didn't sign your name to your work.
I digress. However, now in this world of cyber stuff and virtualness (how's about that new word Colbert?) we find different walls upon which to write.... enter Facebook. First, let me begin by playing off my previous post. On Monday, upon logging into my desktop computer at my high school a screen popped up forcing me to read the new Employee Acceptable Use Policy (regarding use of the internet at work) and Code of Ethics and Standards of Conduct for my system, which basically said, "Remember... whatever you do is a reflection of this system so be cautious and presently aware about how you (and others) conduct yourself at all times in all situations because you never know who is watching!" Hi ya Big Brother!! It specifics that, "This policy applies at all times and locations where the employee’s conduct might reflect poorly on the school, the school system, the employee’s status as a role model for students, or to the extent otherwise permitted by law." Well hell, as my grandmother would say. So this brings me back to my blog and how no matter what I write I must be ever so vigilant about what I write, who might read, and how it might be used against me in some way ending in my termination. Enter my cousin. On my Top News Thread on Facebook, I found the following post by a this family member (mind I even give pause before reposting this given what I just typed": "im breaking up with you via wallpost. doesn't get much worse than that. CUNT." Now, I have found out that this is a personal inside joke, if you will, between my cousin and one of her friends. Ok, fine, but did you EVER give thought to posting something like that on a public forum bright child? More than likely not given that they are a freshman in college. I mean did you think about the future implications of your actions at that age? Ok, so maybe I am an outlier b/c I did and still do. But then again, bathroom walls were about as public as it got when I was growing up and if you were smart you didn't sign your name to your work.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Third time's the charm.... right?
They say competition is healthy, competition can be motivational, competition initiates drive and thus can lead to inspiration. My best friend has a blog, as does her sister. They have created and maintain very good blogs that are informative in many ways, thought provoking, and often times down right entertaining. You find yourself wanting to check back each day to see what they have posted next. While reading them it seems they wrote them effortlessly, as though the words flowed from their brain through their fingers onto the screen. Then there is me.
When I was little I kept a diary, Of course it held my deepest thoughts so it was easy to write. But this. This. THIS is another thing. I finding it super challenging. I find myself constantly rereading and in the background of my thoughts my editor is in overdrive wondering if what I want to write about is something that I can post on a private blog? Would my employer or bosses ever happen upon this and find something they thought a poor reflection of me as their employee or a representative of where I work? Could I be terminated because of my thoughts/opinions? What if I ever find myself in a litigation, will the opposing side's lawyers use this against me? What if one of the parents I serve found this, would it be leaked out or would something be taken out of context and spread about me? Does this seem a little paranoid? Yes, it does but these are things I constantly have to consider each and every time I write something. So, therefore, writing a blog to me is uber difficult. What can I write about it? How personal can I get? Does anyone even want to read this?
I realize the main reason, at least I assume, that my best friend and her sister began keeping a blog was because they had a family and it was an easy way for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to keep up with their life and the growing little ones. I don't have a family. Well, that's extreme and not true, I have Piper... the world's most cuddly, spastic, lovable, cutest dog around! She sometimes sleeps with her tongue just barely hanging out.... so unbelievable cute!
I have a family, just not one that I created. I am either left to talk about my dog (which would be boring and am not the typical "Oh my life is my dog" kinda person - you know the kind I am talking about), my wonderful boyfriend (which I would have to get his permission to write about him since we are still new - 4 months and going strong!), or my job but the things I would want to write I fear would get me fired most times - fun reading I guarantee but I like getting a paycheck (would have to speak in vague terms and hypotheticals and you know details are the sauce that makes everything better!). So I am left with my life, which I think is pretty boring and ppl wouldn't want really to read about it but that is your choice right? I have come to this conclusion. I like reading about my friend's life and her sister's. I like reading status updates on FB and let's be real, they are just snippets of daily mundane. So, I will offer up my life and try to maintain the daily mundane.
As a good start I will leave you with this: *warning* Adult content ahead!
I was talking to one of my co-workers today about another co-worker who drives me nuts and practices what I like to call chosen incompetence. For those who need a definition: Chosen Incompetence: 1.) v. the act of faking stupid when you have been trained, taught, re-taught, shown, and provided resources as reminders of how to do your job at the most basic level. 2.) Chosen Imcompetent: n. a person who had the prerequisite academic and life skills to be accepted into some type of higher education college or university, put forth the effort, knowledge, and organization to such a level that they earned a degree in their chosen field of practice and knows how to conduct themselves as a responsible adult but chooses to coast by feigning ignorance of all such skills sets and knowledge base so that other's will basically do their work for them. So..... this person is a good 'ole boy type who can't read social cues to save his life. I can't count the number of times that I have been sitting at my desk or a conference table surrounded by files with my head buried in my computer and something about that scene just calls to him to come over and engage me in a conversation. No matter how many times I don't look away from my computer, no matter how many times I shuffle through the papers I am working on, no matter my lack of responding with either a head shake or an "uh huh" he keeps talking. So, while talking to my co-worker about this person and my most recent encounter with their lack of "getting a clue" he gave me the perfect phrase for this person's incessant verbal meanderings.... verbal masturbation!! It's so true because it seems as though he gets so much pleasure from just talking to ppl, who regardless of their participation or engagement in the conversation or encouragement to keep the conversation going, he will just keep talking! It was the belly laugh I needed after a bit of a long and stressful week. Verbal masturbation... the phrase of the day.
When I was little I kept a diary, Of course it held my deepest thoughts so it was easy to write. But this. This. THIS is another thing. I finding it super challenging. I find myself constantly rereading and in the background of my thoughts my editor is in overdrive wondering if what I want to write about is something that I can post on a private blog? Would my employer or bosses ever happen upon this and find something they thought a poor reflection of me as their employee or a representative of where I work? Could I be terminated because of my thoughts/opinions? What if I ever find myself in a litigation, will the opposing side's lawyers use this against me? What if one of the parents I serve found this, would it be leaked out or would something be taken out of context and spread about me? Does this seem a little paranoid? Yes, it does but these are things I constantly have to consider each and every time I write something. So, therefore, writing a blog to me is uber difficult. What can I write about it? How personal can I get? Does anyone even want to read this?
See what I mean?
As a good start I will leave you with this: *warning* Adult content ahead!
I was talking to one of my co-workers today about another co-worker who drives me nuts and practices what I like to call chosen incompetence. For those who need a definition: Chosen Incompetence: 1.) v. the act of faking stupid when you have been trained, taught, re-taught, shown, and provided resources as reminders of how to do your job at the most basic level. 2.) Chosen Imcompetent: n. a person who had the prerequisite academic and life skills to be accepted into some type of higher education college or university, put forth the effort, knowledge, and organization to such a level that they earned a degree in their chosen field of practice and knows how to conduct themselves as a responsible adult but chooses to coast by feigning ignorance of all such skills sets and knowledge base so that other's will basically do their work for them. So..... this person is a good 'ole boy type who can't read social cues to save his life. I can't count the number of times that I have been sitting at my desk or a conference table surrounded by files with my head buried in my computer and something about that scene just calls to him to come over and engage me in a conversation. No matter how many times I don't look away from my computer, no matter how many times I shuffle through the papers I am working on, no matter my lack of responding with either a head shake or an "uh huh" he keeps talking. So, while talking to my co-worker about this person and my most recent encounter with their lack of "getting a clue" he gave me the perfect phrase for this person's incessant verbal meanderings.... verbal masturbation!! It's so true because it seems as though he gets so much pleasure from just talking to ppl, who regardless of their participation or engagement in the conversation or encouragement to keep the conversation going, he will just keep talking! It was the belly laugh I needed after a bit of a long and stressful week. Verbal masturbation... the phrase of the day.
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