It's Thanksgiving! A day set aside for the gathering of family to sit 'round a table and share with one another; food, drink, memories, stories, and best of all love. I have a big extended family. My mother is the eldest of six and there have been few opportunities I have had to gather with them all over the years. Every once in a while this day falls on my brother's birthday, like today. In fact, I think the last time I was with my whole family on Thanksgiving was when my brother's b-day fell on the same day, more than 20 years ago I'm sure. Gosh, it's hard when your family lives 3 states away. Like I said it's my brother's birthday today. I bought him a card about two weeks ago because I knew that I would get busy and not have the time. Well, Piper got a hold of it. When I realized she had I was able to save it and was going to send it anyway adding with love from Piper. I went upstairs later that night and when I came back down the card was in shreds. So, a new, belated card will be sent.
Today I spend the day with my dog and chinchilla because everyone in my family lives in AL, save my brother who is in NY and paternal uncle in AZ. My best friend Mary and her family invited me up to spend the time with them but visiting dogs aren't allowed in their house, plus I knew I would have to work. My wonderful boyfriend invited me to come and spend the day with his family but I declined to his relief because, although his mother extended the invitation she, and he, didn't think that it would have been the best of introductions.
I don't mind spending the day by myself. It's not the first and might not be the last. Working for the school system and having the day before through the weekend off still makes it hard to plan and get to AL. Flying is the best but it's over an hour to Raleigh to catch the flight to AL and upon arrival it's over an hour to have me picked up in Birmingham where I would land. That would be the cheapest way. I could fly out of Greensboro but I have never found cheaper flights there. Taking the train is a 12+ hour ride, would be more expensive, but would take me from here to Tuscaloosa where the majority of my AL family live; however no dogs allowed by flight or train. Enter the cost of boarding here. The final option is to drive and that's a 9-10 hour drive. Bonus is that dogs are allowed.
To be honest I am a bit bitter, and anyone who knows me, knows this. I am bitter because I was born here, I was raised here, and then, as I feel at times, I was left here. Are there choices behind these feelings, sure. I chose to stay in what I think is the best state in the country. It's my home but my home is split. My father chose to leave because he was going to return to his hometown, which oddly enough is Greensboro, AL, to live with his mother, who ended up passing away before he retired and had the chance to move back. I can't blame him because he had the opportunity to live in a "free" house and a town where I don't know if anyone could live cheaper, which is right up his alley. My mother chose to move back Tuscaloosa to take care of some personal things, but as I drove her down, every fiber of her body and heart didn't want to leave NC which was evidenced by the tears rolling down her face as we drove over the NC line. My brother left after he got his B.A. Degree. Now, could I chose to live in AL? Sure I could and be close to my family but #1 Who would want to if that were your choice? and #2 Would I be happy? No and no. So I chose to stay here where I am happy but sometimes, typically times like these, am a bit lonely. Again, not the first time but I am hoping it's nearing one of the last.
Despite these feelings I get around the holidays as an adult, and sometimes as a child, as this is Thanksgiving, I do have a lot to be Thankful for: That I have a family to complain about from time to time; that I still have two living parents who love me unconditionally; even though we don't have a relationship a brother who I know loves me; supportive, understanding, and fun-loving friends; a boyfriend who I am so lucky to have, the world's most loving and adorable, sometimes mischievous dog; the opportunity to have and live in a lovely townhouse where I feel comfortable and safe; a career that allows me to live in my lovely townhouse, a second job that I enjoy the majority of the time (not when I have to be there at 6:30 am on Black Friday), my overall health, and the ability to know that all of this is a blessing. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I'm a SCHOOL Psychologist/Don't believe what you read
Yep, I didn't study adults and their problems. I didn't study personalities and their various presentations. I didn't study relationships and the intricacies of them. Therefore, these things are not obvious to me. I studied how disabling conditions effect children and their learning and how to identify disabilities. I studied statistics, IQ tests, achievement assessments, behavior rating scales, adaptive behavior measurements, childhood development and theory, the brain and how it functions, and learning theories. See, that's the school part ppl tend to not recognize/acknowledge. I am frustrated. I am frustrated that in interactions that I have fairly often ppl think just because I have the word psychologist in my job title that I should be some well adjusted paradigm of psychological embodiment. Ppl, please stop assuming that I am going to analyze you and uncover some deep dark secret upon meeting you. BTW, Dr. heal thy self doesn't apply here either.
I was looking at what other careers/jobs that my skills could apply to and this is what I happened across from US News and World Report online in the article Best Careers 2009- School Psychologist:
"A Day in the Life . A teacher wants Johnny placed in a special-education class, so you make a classroom observation (if it were only that easy - thanks red tape!). You see something different, however (Ok, this part is true b/c I typically do) If the teacher provided some individualized instruction for Johnny, he probably wouldn't need special ed (This is how I see my job to keep them from going into or exit them from special ed, if possible). The teacher isn't pleased with that assessment, but you have the final say (Final say, hardly, like I have power, funny.). Next, you test another child's eligibility for special education. This time, you administer an intelligence test, an achievement battery, learning disability diagnostic tests, and personality instruments (personality assessments don't really play a role in learning disabilities and this can't all get done in a day and the rest of this take place too), and write the results and recommendations in a three-page, single-spaced report (They must have observed a REALLY green practicing sch. psy. b/c good reports that actually tell you something useful are on ave. 7-10, my longest was 22 - with graphs). The most stressful part of your day is a meeting to agree on the annual individualized education plan for a severely disabled child—most of the time, he rocks back and forth (ROTFLMAO!!!). The parent and teacher demand more services for the child, while the principal argues they're not cost effective (Not so far off but minus the $$ part). You facilitate the decision-making (I try but sometimes ppl like the sound of their own voice). Next, you and a teacher show a parent how to help her dyslexic child improve his reading while coping with his "depression" about it (I would love more of this in my daily routine). The final activity of the day is illuminating: your weekly Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll discussion group with seventh graders."(Ok, you don't need a psychology degree to know this isn't Illuminating in the way I feel they mean it)
If this were my typical day then I don't know that I would ever complain. My favorite part is their claim that the most stressful part of my day is a meeting on an IEP. In my world most times that is the easiest. I wish that I could walk into a classroom and observe a child but where I work we have to get parental permission. I understand why but it doesn't always make logical sense. Oh the looming fear of the lawsuit which is the driving force behind most of education, heck in my opinion, most of America. Don't get me wrong, I chose this career, I am passionate about what I do, and I like to think that I am very good at what I do given the parameters in which I have to work, again which I chose. There are typically two times during the year when I reconsider my choices and I find myself in one of those times, however, this time it isn't a vent, it's a serious consideration of when did my job become ruled by a by-product of a tree instead of concern for a child? I knew that paperwork was part of the job when I sought it out and I don't mind filling out forms, I kinda like it actually, but I feel it's to a point now that is beyond ridiculous. The amount of time it takes is literally day-filling and mind numbing form completion for the sake of completing a form. No piecing parts of a puzzle together, no collection of data to address a reason for referral, just filling out a form. My other, underlying, problem is that to completely fulfill my responsibilities I have to perform at a lower level than my best and, for me, that is a great challenge because best practice is my standard and anything less is unacceptable. Oh yes, I am a frustrated SCHOOL psychologist.
I was looking at what other careers/jobs that my skills could apply to and this is what I happened across from US News and World Report online in the article Best Careers 2009- School Psychologist:
"A Day in the Life . A teacher wants Johnny placed in a special-education class, so you make a classroom observation (if it were only that easy - thanks red tape!). You see something different, however (Ok, this part is true b/c I typically do) If the teacher provided some individualized instruction for Johnny, he probably wouldn't need special ed (This is how I see my job to keep them from going into or exit them from special ed, if possible). The teacher isn't pleased with that assessment, but you have the final say (Final say, hardly, like I have power, funny.). Next, you test another child's eligibility for special education. This time, you administer an intelligence test, an achievement battery, learning disability diagnostic tests, and personality instruments (personality assessments don't really play a role in learning disabilities and this can't all get done in a day and the rest of this take place too), and write the results and recommendations in a three-page, single-spaced report (They must have observed a REALLY green practicing sch. psy. b/c good reports that actually tell you something useful are on ave. 7-10, my longest was 22 - with graphs). The most stressful part of your day is a meeting to agree on the annual individualized education plan for a severely disabled child—most of the time, he rocks back and forth (ROTFLMAO!!!). The parent and teacher demand more services for the child, while the principal argues they're not cost effective (Not so far off but minus the $$ part). You facilitate the decision-making (I try but sometimes ppl like the sound of their own voice). Next, you and a teacher show a parent how to help her dyslexic child improve his reading while coping with his "depression" about it (I would love more of this in my daily routine). The final activity of the day is illuminating: your weekly Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll discussion group with seventh graders."(Ok, you don't need a psychology degree to know this isn't Illuminating in the way I feel they mean it)
If this were my typical day then I don't know that I would ever complain. My favorite part is their claim that the most stressful part of my day is a meeting on an IEP. In my world most times that is the easiest. I wish that I could walk into a classroom and observe a child but where I work we have to get parental permission. I understand why but it doesn't always make logical sense. Oh the looming fear of the lawsuit which is the driving force behind most of education, heck in my opinion, most of America. Don't get me wrong, I chose this career, I am passionate about what I do, and I like to think that I am very good at what I do given the parameters in which I have to work, again which I chose. There are typically two times during the year when I reconsider my choices and I find myself in one of those times, however, this time it isn't a vent, it's a serious consideration of when did my job become ruled by a by-product of a tree instead of concern for a child? I knew that paperwork was part of the job when I sought it out and I don't mind filling out forms, I kinda like it actually, but I feel it's to a point now that is beyond ridiculous. The amount of time it takes is literally day-filling and mind numbing form completion for the sake of completing a form. No piecing parts of a puzzle together, no collection of data to address a reason for referral, just filling out a form. My other, underlying, problem is that to completely fulfill my responsibilities I have to perform at a lower level than my best and, for me, that is a great challenge because best practice is my standard and anything less is unacceptable. Oh yes, I am a frustrated SCHOOL psychologist.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Notes of a wanna be singer
On Thursdays I take voice lessons. I have been taking lessons for about a year now and due to flu/cold this year I was not able to perform at my first recital. Honestly, I wasn't upset. Yes, I put a lot of hard work into my pieces and I felt that I grew a lot from day one up to performance day. However, I wasn't upset at not performing because I wasn't invested in any of my pieces. This go round I am! I am excited to perform for my next chance at a recital. I am singing Danny Boy which is such a beautiful Irish Air. It requires more control than my other pieces and I will be given a chance to sing at the end a cappella! I am challenged to sing Italian piece. The one I was going to perform I grew to like. It was airy, sweet, quite pretty. The one that my teacher chose for me this time feels more like a harsh German piece. I am hoping this one will grow on me. My final piece is very jazzy, showy, and just what you would expect from a Broadway piece complete with asides of dialogue. That one is going to be really fun!
I decided to take voice lessons because I have loved to sing all my life; in the car, in the shower, around the house, in the backyard listening to my walkman trying to belt out one of Whitney Houston's first hits, you name it! Yeah I aimed high! I have performed on stage at multiple times in my life. I sang on stage for Pittsboro's bicentennial. I think I was 8-9. I was in a summer drama camp where we performed songs as well as put on plays. When I was a freshman I somehow found the courage to perform in the talent show. I sang "Part of Your World" from Disney's The Little Mermaid, a cappella and having never taken voice lessons before! How I survived that, I don't know considering how VERY sensitive I am about my voice. During my performance, the microphone went out and people who were sitting in the very back of the auditorium told me they could hear me clear as a bell. Thank goodness for friends or else that could have been a really bad night for me and had the potential to shut me up forever.
So, I share this because it's probably not something many people know about me. I have dreamed of being a jazz singer in a smoky club with my name is lights on the marquis. Of course I have also dreamed of being a singer on Broadway as I love to dance as well. These childhood dreams may never come true and that will be ok, but it is fun taking the first steps. However, if I am lucky enough to have children at some point I would trade those dreams for the chance to sing my children to sleep in the hopes that one day they may tell me that I have the most beautiful voice in the world. Don't think anything could ever top that!
I decided to take voice lessons because I have loved to sing all my life; in the car, in the shower, around the house, in the backyard listening to my walkman trying to belt out one of Whitney Houston's first hits, you name it! Yeah I aimed high! I have performed on stage at multiple times in my life. I sang on stage for Pittsboro's bicentennial. I think I was 8-9. I was in a summer drama camp where we performed songs as well as put on plays. When I was a freshman I somehow found the courage to perform in the talent show. I sang "Part of Your World" from Disney's The Little Mermaid, a cappella and having never taken voice lessons before! How I survived that, I don't know considering how VERY sensitive I am about my voice. During my performance, the microphone went out and people who were sitting in the very back of the auditorium told me they could hear me clear as a bell. Thank goodness for friends or else that could have been a really bad night for me and had the potential to shut me up forever.
So, I share this because it's probably not something many people know about me. I have dreamed of being a jazz singer in a smoky club with my name is lights on the marquis. Of course I have also dreamed of being a singer on Broadway as I love to dance as well. These childhood dreams may never come true and that will be ok, but it is fun taking the first steps. However, if I am lucky enough to have children at some point I would trade those dreams for the chance to sing my children to sleep in the hopes that one day they may tell me that I have the most beautiful voice in the world. Don't think anything could ever top that!
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